The Good girls and the Good Time girl’s part1

                             It is not often that you can do experiments with human beings without harming them in some way, either emotional or physical. But some time circumstances allow you to observe human behaviour, without interference, or harm.

                          I want to introduce you to a cultural, religious, moral and ethical values of a particular community to which i belong to, i will not mention this community for obvious reasons...i do not want extreme reaction to what i am going to say...i know my community has zero tolerance to criticism. Drinking, drug taking, and promiscuity, i.e sex outside of marriage are regarded as sins.

                           The community I live in is a small Ethnic minority living in Europe. It is a very tight, closed community, very conservative family values, religion, ethics and morals are linked to how we behave to insiders and outsiders. Western societies to us are economically advanced, but socially regressive. We accept that living in a modern industrial society has great benefits, a welfare system, and well developed educational system, rule of law, Democracy, opportunities for personal development...etc

                                 So living in Europe has given us opportunities denied to us from our country of origin, and the reason these opportunities denied to us because our country was raped and pillaged for over two hundred years by the European country which we live...this is a matter I will be dealing with in future articles.

                                   Before someone reading this makes the comment that if we do not like living here we should go elsewhere...just remember we did not invite you to come over to our country to exploit us and our resources...or rape our women, or abuse us in a multitude of ways for two hundred years.

                                 So my community enjoys the benefits of living in a Liberal democracy, but we do not like the social consequences of a living in a..anything goes...do what you want Liberal society. This has created great tensions in our community and inter-generational conflict, as older generations of our community try to enforce social constraints on future generations brought up in a society with different values. The social consequences of conflicting values living in one society, while practicing the social values of another, have been disastrous for our community. To explain this I will use one real live example to show what I mean.

                                 In my community the way the system works is as follows:-

  1. You have no rights as an individual, only obligations, duties and responsibilities to your family, your community and your Religion.
  2. As a child you must obey your parents, get a good education, do your school work and keep out of trouble.
  3. As an adult you have duties and responsibilities to your family and community and religion.
  4. To work hard, earn money so that you can carry out your duties and obligations. To be a responsible member of your community and support your family.

                   Simply put you grow up in a household where education is very important. Once you have a good education, skill, or training in your chosen field...you will hopefully have a secure job and income. Many people in our community persue self employment i.e. run their own business. Whichever option is chosen success is measured by your income and status in the community.

                         Once you have achieved the above and are seen by your family as a responsible, mature, sensible person...this usually means you will be between 25-30yrs old, your family will then ask you if you want to get married.

                                         If you have decided on a person of your choice before hand, that chosen person will have to be approved by the family. If approval is not given, your options will be to leave home, or dump the chosen one.

                   If you choose leaving home option you will in most cases be disowned by the family and ostracized by your community. This does not mean bad things will happen to you, simply people will not visit your house, or invite you to their functions. So leaving home is not an option to take lightly if you end up losing your family.

                    Sex outside of marriage is not socially acceptable. People do have sex outside of marriage in my community, but they go to great lengths to hide their activities, especially girls. For them sex outside of marriage has serious personal and social consequences for them and their family in the community.

                                   So I have now given you the reader historical background knowledge which will be very important to understanding what I am going to say.

                              As a former shopkeeper of over 35 years. i have witnessed every human condition you can imagine. My observations have led me to some definite conclusions about human behaviour and the society we live...some of these conclusions I will discuss in future articles.

                             In one particular year I had the privilege to get to know two groups of student girls from my community. Both groups of girls were University students. I have no doubt both sets of girls had worked hard and are clever enough to get to University. What I found interesting was the behaviour of both sets of girls was different which I could not understand.

                     One group of girls who I will call the ‘good girls’, they lived in a student house, there were five of them. During the week they went to University and studied. When not at University they would go ‘window shopping’ usually at the local city centre shopping centre. Like many students they had very little money, so spending time wandering shopping centres was a good way of spending time.

                   To my knowledge these girls had no ‘boy friends’, did not drink, smoke or take drugs. On Sundays one of these girls would come to my shop, buy sweets, snacks and soft drinks and they would spend their Sundays, studying. So according to our community values they were ‘good girls’.

                 The other group of girls were party girls,’boyfriends, drinking,

Drugs’ let’s call them the ‘good time girls’. Now the way these girls were behaving according to the mainstream society they live in is normal, but not according to their community’s values and norms. Now if the behaviour of these girls were to become known to their families, there would be serious repercussions for these girls including physical harm.

                     So the question I am asking if both groups of girls know the limits of behaviour i.e. the norms and values of their community and of their families, why they behaved so differently.

                       Now before you jump to quick judgements, we need to look at the social implications. In the society we live, it is a sexually permissive, an individualistic culture, where the cult of the individual is given primacy over that of the community and society. This has led to high divorce rate and family breakdown, and all the social problems that have emerged, which Governments are spending huge amounts of tax payers money, not to solve the problems but simply to stabilize the situation, to prevent it getting worse...this is known as the decline of Western Civilization or simply the decline of the West, which is in full progress as I write.

               The behaviour of the ‘good time girls’ has social consequences for all girls in our community. Let me explain, as I said earlier marriage in our community is a very serious undertaking, the family involvement is crucial to the success of the marriage. Any potential suitor goes through a rigorous selection process. Think of the process like applying for a job. You send in your application form and the idea is to match as closely as possible the person to the job. Your application for a prospective marriage partner will be considered, and you may be invited for a first interview or rejected.

                   Our marriage system works on the same principle. You check the person’s background, their family values, ethnicity, culture, race and Religion. Is the person of good character, do they have a good education, career prospects, and have they been married before or any previous relationships, is their physical or mental illness in the family, is the person a drug addict or alcoholic or displays other undesirable traits or habits which could impact on the relationship.

                           All these factors are taken into consideration as to the suitability of the person, to them being a suitable marriage partner, i’m afraid having a big Willy and a bad attitude will not do.

               So in our culture it is hard to get married but easier to get divorced. In Western society it is the other way round. The behaviour of the ‘good time’ girls does not go un-noticed in our community, word soon gets around who are the ‘good time girls’ and how to avoid them as potential marriage partners. Remember in our culture marriage is a very expensive affair, it is seen as an investment by the couple to be married and their families.

                  So if a girl is not prepared to wait and has sex before marriage, and that person is not socially acceptable, does not marry the girl and make all the commitments I have mentioned above, he has the benefit of the relationship without commitment or cash upfront...for free...let’s call this free love. This means the guy who marries her pays for sex ..(i.e. pays upfront as in cash, Jewelry, house,car etc),and the other person has been getting it for free...free love.

                         The minority of girls who behave in an immoral and un-ethical way create problems for the ‘good girls’, which i will discuss later. The ‘good time girls’ may be having fun now only to pay a terrible price at a later date. Let me explain.

                             Let’s say the ‘good time girl’ gets through University, gets her Degree or higher, persues a career, she reaches age 25+ when her family decide it is time to get her married. This will be done with her consent, considerable social pressures will be used to persuade her to get married.

                     It will be pointed out to her that if she leaves it too long i.e. 30+ her chances of finding a suitable partner will diminish rapidly. If consent is given then her family will pass the word around the community that they are looking for a suitable partner for their daughter. They will today with the advent of the internet, use matrimonial agencies, although these are seen as a last resort.

               When a suitable match has been found, he will go through an interview, more of an interrogation as to what he will bring to the relationship. In our culture the girl gets the ‘goodies’.Jewelry and money upfront is often the starting point. It is not unknown for the boy’s family to pay a deposit for a house for the future couple or set up the couple in a business or become shareholders in their business. Again I am generalizing, it depends on the circumstances, terms and conditions vary from family to family.

                         If the girl is educated the future husband will be expected to educated at least to her standing or higher. Again this varies from family to family. It is not unknown for families to stipulate that if their daughter is a Doctor then she should marry a doctor. The un-intended consequences of these demands have meant that many families simply have become unrealistic due to their selection criteria. So perfectly good candidates will be rejected due to minor imperfections in the eyes of the girl’s family. Girls themselves have also have their heads filled with an ideal partner who does not exist in the real world, this simply sets them up for a big disappointed when they realise career does not mean exemption from house work, and cooking for your family.

                       To be able to cook well in our culture is crucial to a successful family life, as cooking forms so much part of social and communal life. Girls who cannot cook will find, their mother in law will be around the house to give cookery lessons and possibly save the marriage from future troubles. Please be aware if you are an Italian girl and cannot cook your prospects of finding a suitable partner also diminishes rapidly, so the ability to cook is not simply a pre-requisite to a successful marriage in my community but in many European communities as well.

                       So how can we explain the behaviour of the ‘good time girls’, let’s look at the possibilities:-

                             University especially away from home means they are no longer under the social constraints of their family...so the ‘good girls’ at home, go bad very quickly...3-4 years at University is sufficient time to get a Degree and disgrace oneself in the eyes of God, family and Community.

 So how can we explain the behaviour of the ‘good time girls’, let’s look at the possibilities:-

          1) These girls are sexually repressed at home, the parents ensure they do not meet the opposite sex unless prior approval given. This means that as soon as they get an opportunity, they get to make up for lost opportunities and time.
University especially away from home means they are no longer under the social constraints of their family...so the ‘good girls’ at home, go bad very quickly...3-4 years at University is sufficient time to get a Degree and disgrace oneself in the eyes of God, family and Community.

          2) These are naive girls who had a sheltered existence, and are easy prey for male students looking for easy sex.

          3)These girls are behaving quite normal according to their peers...sex,drugs,rock ‘n’ roll and a Degree at the end of it all

         4) They behave like this for reasons which we do not fully understand. Extensive research is being conducted to find out why...no firm conclusions have been arrived at.

        5)The ‘good time girls’ know exactly what they are doing, and are playing a double game...they pre-tend to be good girls at home, but lead a double life which the parents are not aware of, (unless they find by accident or some on tells them). They get the best of worlds, security and support from the family at home and opportunities to mis-behave, as and when the occasion arises.

      6) Reasons for my readers to come up with...no rude comments

This article will continue in part 2 to follow....

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